NOAH AND THE GOVERNMENT

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going to make it
rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things
are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every
living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a
flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.

"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints,
"I'm your man."

"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You better have my
ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long time!" Six months passed,
the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord
looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no
ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed
into the ground right beside Noah.

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some
big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's
construction, but your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an
engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about
whether to include a fire-sprinkler system.  My neighbors objected,
claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my
front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board.  Then,
I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because the Wildlife
Service said that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let
me catch them, so no owls.  Next, I started gathering up the animals but
got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only
two of each kind.   Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me
that I couldn't complete the ark without filing an environmental impact
statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that
they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.  Then, the
Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan.  I sent them a
globe!  Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire.
The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the
country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of
user tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."

With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched
across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to
destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord, "the government already has."