The Top 16 Differences if the Election Were Run by Dogs

16 Vote tabulation has to be restarted every time someone spots a squirrel.

15 Lots of growling whenever someone mentions that Gore is a vet.

14 Although not on the ballot, Perot still lands 100% of "yappy little dog vote."

13 "What's that, Lassie? You say Grandpa Tim might have accidentally voted for Buchanan? Good catch, girl!"

12 Debates preceded by a few minutes sniffing Jim Lehrer's ass.

11 Entire election thrown into chaos when it's alleged that thousands of voters *appeared* to throw ballots into box but actually just hid them behind their backs.

10 Voters even more easily distracted by butterfly ballots.

9 Before the hand recount, Ralph Nader caught rubbing bacon grease next to his name on all the ballots.

8 Spaying and neutering drastically reduces number of pregnant chads.

7 "Exit Polling" just a fancy name for butt sniffing.

6 In Pit Bull County, hand counts are taken literally.

5 "Mr. Candidate, please respond to the question: Do you wanna go to the park? Huh? Huh? Wanna catch the ball?"

4 No difference at all: Either way, you end up with a steaming pile of democracy!

3 Looking for an edge, Al Gore changes his name to Al Po.

2 "And if you elect me president, I promise to execute Mariah Carey."

1 Palm Beach ballots confusing? Time to put grandma to sleep.